R.P.P.P Post for 9/18/09: Origin of the Unicorn Forest

Let's give a big round of applause for the R.P.P.P because today is our 3 month anniversary! So my friends, here is a little something special.

While skimming through some origin stories for my World Lit. class, I came across this. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Take a look and see what I mean.

Origin of The Unicorn Forest

When God created man he also created the Unicorn: The majestic creature that frolics his way into the hearts of all. But God had a problem; Where to put this magical creature? He thought and thought, but no habitat would suffice.

God said, “What about the mountains? Tis’ high enough to worn off predators. And the scenery! Wow! What a great place!”

But while the Unicorns slept that night on their new mountain, an angry lion arose from a nearby cave.

“What are you doing here? This is my mountain! You are not welcome here! Leave before I eat you!”

God was appalled that such a beautiful place would not fit such a beautiful creature. So he thought again.

“How about the beach? The soft white sand will soothe their tired feet. The water will calm their tired souls. Wow! What a great place!”

God placed the Unicorns on the beach, but the bright sun hurt their deep blue eyes. Their feet sunk in the sand. Then a jellyfish came to them.

“What are you doing here? This is my beach! You are not welcome here! Leave before I sting you!”

God grew tiresome. “Where can I put these beautiful creatures so they will be safe and loved?

He thought and thought, until he had a revelation.

“If there is no such place on this wide earth where the Unicorns will strive, then I will create one!”

He used all his power and strength, and nine months later he was finished.

He said, “Look here Unicorns! Your home will be high, six foot one, in fact - but no mountain lions will roam here. Your home will be near the ocean - but no jellyfish will dwell here. Your home will be disguised in a cover of plaid - so no predators will eat here. Your home will be shaded by a pair of Ray Bans - so the sun will not burn your eyes here. Your home will be in a thick brownish blonde luscious wild forest - so your feet will not sink in the sand. Your hooves will not catch a rock here. But be warned! Unexpectedly your home may be cut down by a pair of scissors. But never fear. All will be well. You will strive again. This Unicorn forest will grow once more. All will be well.”

The Unicorns cheered with joy! “What a beautiful place to live!” they rejoiced.

That night the Unicorns drank and ate cheeseburgers and hotpockets until the bellies were full. Then they gathered around the fire and sang every Van Morrison song until the night was spent.

For twenty-three years the Unicorns have lived in their forest. Many, many, many, many times God has swiped his hand over the forest, bringing peace and love to their home. But children, there is an evil approaching the Unicorn Forest, threatening to destroy their kind! An evil race of Paparazzious Dont-care-ious, and another - a group of rabid screeching girls called Fangirlites. These are very dangerous, they push, pull, chase, and mob our beloved Unicorn Forest, creating a large cloud of paranoia over their land. The Unicorns are disappearing one by one and it’s up to you to do something about it. To keep the Unicorns alive we must ban together and destroy this Paparazzious Dont-care-ious’ and convert the Fangirlites back to their original form. Spread the word. Speak Up and Out! Save the Unicorn Forest!

“To not heed such messages will result in complete retreat or worse - extinction like it’s cousin the Dodo bird.”
- robert-pattinson.co.uk

This has been a public service announcement from the R.P.P.P (Partly inspired by the robert-pattinson.co.uk post Robertous Pattinsonus)
More than that this is to encourage you to participate in our Speak Up and Out series. To further entice you, we bring you a short segment called “A Conversation Between Two Unicorns: Part 1"

LMAO!! i love it! that is one epic story.... that's so crazy that you just happened upon that story!! (note the hint of sarcasm) we shall defeat the papparazzious don't-care-ious and the fangirlites!


speaking of conqueing and deafeating and adventuring and things of that sort, where are the rob-on-a-sticks?! we haven't seen them in ages!

That was totally wicked (sorry I have had Rocket Power on the brain)! I very much enjoyed that little story.

On a side note, I wanted to say that I turned around my first magazine the other day at what is Wal-Mart. But when I walked passed it again, it was back to it's original side. Lame-o, I blame the Wal-Mart employee that I am almost positive saw me do it. They are obviously not a member of the R.P.P.P. Nonetheless, it felt pretty awesome.